FEATURED- Mysteries of Ramadhan

KUALA LUMPUR-Latest statistics conducted by the Royal Malaysian Social Engineering Society has concluded that the Muslim population in Malaysia has become more obese and financially poorer during the fasting month. The findings have been met with some degree of confusion and widespread denial among Muslims.



56.4% of the Muslim population have gained weight by an average of 12.6% as compared to their body weight before Ramadhan. This development has left religious authorities and medical personnel baffled, as it appears that they have gained weight despite supposedly reducing their food intake during the fasting month.




"This is totally opposite to what one would expect. Normally, when a person fasts and consumes a moderate, balanced meal while breaking fast, he or she will actually lose weight and be more fit and healthy. But what we're seeing here is that they have become fatter!", says Dr. Tambhirajah Sivaseelan, head of the Dietary and Nutrition Department of Kuala Lumpur Hospital.


"It is a medical mystery."



Some however do not find it surprising. "I see the fella working at the garmen counter always sleeping only. I think they all fat because morning that time eat so much, rest of the day they sleep only". says Chen Tek Ong, 28.



His remarks are met with death threats from certain quarters, and Khairy Jamaluddin has promised to personally yell at his face with a megaphone to teach him not to insult Muslims.




Another unaccountable but unrelated phenomenon observed is that Muslims are running out of cash at a faster rate during the Ramadhan month. Some have attributed it to toyols. (Small, nasty, yet entertaining creatures.)





Prominent parapsychologist-cum-ghostbuster, Uncle Seeker, explained: "It is not impossible for toyols to be roaming free during the Ramadhan month."He says that other creatures of the night usually take time off from scaring random people as this is a holy month.


"Toyols however, do not give a damn."




UMNO Youth had an answer that they insist is more logical - the Jews are up to their nonsense again. Khairy issued a press statement today, saying "The evil international brotherhood of Jews and Zionists are taking advantage of the Ramadhan month to further oppress the Muslims by making our money vanish mysteriously".




In a poll conducted, it was found that 93.2% of Muslims admitted that they went broke faster during the Ramadhan month than they did in the earlier months. The only people immune to this are the traffic police.