Thursday, October 19, 2006
From the editor
Greetings readers.
We would like to apologize for our late posts today. There is no real reason why. We are just lazy bastards.
Secondly, we would like to announce that we have a karipanas forum, located at the sidebar. This is a unique forum, as unlike other forums where you have to register, follow anal-retentive rules and get constant warnings from the moderator, we allow you to roam freely like wild animals.
You can say anything you want, the same rules apply as to the comments made here. There is a registration request, and you may choose to register but you may also post replies as a guest.
We dont care either way.
Thirdly, one reader submitted that our poll had too many choices and people would not make time to read all of the choices. The point he has made is valid. Dyslexia is common these days. From now on, polls will have less answers to choose from to cater to the abject laziness of our readers. Thank you for your support, and happy reading.
the editor
"all that is required for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing..."
SNIPPETS
DR M and Badawi to meet
Both prominent political figures have announced their desire to meet and reconcile with each other. This move has reportedly been engineered by people within the Barisan Nasional party, who are uncomfortable with the feud between them.
87 percent of Malaysians however would like it to go on as they find it more entertaining that way.
11 ISA detaineed released
Nik Adli, son of PAS leader Nik Aziz was released from the ISA today. Ten others released were two Norwegian tourists, one random old man, a baby, a yellow baboon, a neurotic teenager, and five angry lawyers.
Nik Adli was detained for allegedly having links with the KMM (Kumpulan Militan Malaysia). The others were detained for "looking fishy".
The lawyers however were kept there as a silly prank.
Police on Megaphones in Segamat
In a new move to reduce crime, the Segamat police are broadcasting their messages using megaphones from their patrol cars. This is a move to constantly remind residents to be careful of their surroundings.
Residents in turn are buying their own megaphones. Some to announce thank you messages back to the vigilant policemen.
Most just to say "SHUT UP YOU CRAZY BASTARDS! I CANT FCKIN SLEEP YOU STUPID GITS!"
Amir Muhammad to make a sequel to Lelaki Komunis Terakhir
Even though the first part of the movie was banned by the Malaysian government Amir Muhammad is soldiering on and creating the sequel.
The authorities have already announced that they are going to ban the sequel even if they have not seen it yet. This, as announced by officials, is to simply save time. "We know we are going to ban it anyway."
The movie preview will be held in Amir Muhammad's bedroom, and the invited guests will be himself and his cat, Poco.
Mat Rempit in hiding
The Mat Rempit's who attacked the Kubang Semang police station are nowhere to be seen. The official stance of the police is that they have gone into hiding.
However according to one source, various responsible members of the public have hunted them down and beaten them to death with shovels and other lethal gardening tools.
"Three down. One more to go."says one caring citizen.
LOCAL NEWS- Killer emu's roam loose in Klang
picture-killer emu
KLANG- Killer emu's have been sighted in various areas in Klang Valley.
"We think that they escaped from one of the zoo's" says one local forest ranger, Hamid Hussein. The emu's are ingenious at concealing themselves from the naked eye. They conceal themselves in various rubbish heaps that can be found in the Klang area.
"Also, most people are too hungry to notice a killer emu this fasting month."
One unfortunate victim is Klang Umno Puteri chief Roselinda Abdul Jamil.
Killer emu's have a liking for human eyeballs. "It is a natural instinct for them. They come from the African continent, where eyeballs can be found everywhere because people die carelessly in random places." says Hamid. He admits that this is irresponsible behavior on the part of African people.
"They have created monsters."
Today, in responding to the barrage of criticisms concerning her appointment as municipal councillor along with her father-in-law and brother-in-law she announced the horrible tragedy that had befallen her.
"I cannot see." she said to the surprise of reporters.
picture- Roselinda, before the horrible tragedy.
Roselinda was attacked while at home with her father-in law, brother-in law, grandmother, maid, and Hassan, the family iguana, who are all coincidentally also Klang Municipal Councillors.
"This is an attack against the Klang Municipal Council."says Roselinda. There are no records of killer emu's having political aspirations. She says it may be her many political enemies or outraged citizens who let the killer emu's into her place of residence.
Her eyesight is damaged permanently. She may have her drivers license revoked, but this is not an issue with her as she has already hired a driver so as not to endanger other citizens. The driver will be nominated as Klang Municipal councillor in the next following year.
Referring to the unreasonable behavior of Klang residents who disagree with having all the members of her household in the Klang Municipal Council she says,“I do not see anything wrong as all of us were appointed councillors in our different capacities,” said Roselinda.
This, experts say is understandable as she has lost all capability of seeing after the vicious attack.
as reported by Edie J.
FEATURED- Mysteries of Ramadhan
KUALA LUMPUR-Latest statistics conducted by the Royal Malaysian Social Engineering Society has concluded that the Muslim population in Malaysia has become more obese and financially poorer during the fasting month. The findings have been met with some degree of confusion and widespread denial among Muslims.
56.4% of the Muslim population have gained weight by an average of 12.6% as compared to their body weight before Ramadhan. This development has left religious authorities and medical personnel baffled, as it appears that they have gained weight despite supposedly reducing their food intake during the fasting month.
"This is totally opposite to what one would expect. Normally, when a person fasts and consumes a moderate, balanced meal while breaking fast, he or she will actually lose weight and be more fit and healthy. But what we're seeing here is that they have become fatter!", says Dr. Tambhirajah Sivaseelan, head of the Dietary and Nutrition Department of Kuala Lumpur Hospital.
"It is a medical mystery."
Some however do not find it surprising. "I see the fella working at the garmen counter always sleeping only. I think they all fat because morning that time eat so much, rest of the day they sleep only". says Chen Tek Ong, 28.
His remarks are met with death threats from certain quarters, and Khairy Jamaluddin has promised to personally yell at his face with a megaphone to teach him not to insult Muslims.
Another unaccountable but unrelated phenomenon observed is that Muslims are running out of cash at a faster rate during the Ramadhan month. Some have attributed it to toyols. (Small, nasty, yet entertaining creatures.)
Prominent parapsychologist-cum-ghostbuster, Uncle Seeker, explained: "It is not impossible for toyols to be roaming free during the Ramadhan month."He says that other creatures of the night usually take time off from scaring random people as this is a holy month.
"Toyols however, do not give a damn."
UMNO Youth had an answer that they insist is more logical - the Jews are up to their nonsense again. Khairy issued a press statement today, saying "The evil international brotherhood of Jews and Zionists are taking advantage of the Ramadhan month to further oppress the Muslims by making our money vanish mysteriously".
In a poll conducted, it was found that 93.2% of Muslims admitted that they went broke faster during the Ramadhan month than they did in the earlier months. The only people immune to this are the traffic police.
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