Wednesday, October 25, 2006

SEMI-INTERNATIONAL NEWS- Malaysia's new trade deal

With the greater influx of Nigerian businessmen and entrepeneurs to Malaysia, the government has decided to expand economic ties with Nigeria through a program of mutual trade exchange.

Under the agreement, Nigeria will continue to earn from Malaysia in the industries that they're best at - "profitable e-mail deals", while Malaysia will export our Magic Stone experts and Bomohs to Nigeria.

Nigeria has earned an estimated RM2.43 million last year by co-operating with Malaysians through their Nigerian "Business deal" E-mails.

"There are so many trustworthy people here!" says Akuli Mbabwa. "And to think we managed to decide that only based on their email addresses!".

He stated that he woud like to personally thank, and for their help in the transactions.

"They will be hearing from us soon".

With this new trade agreement in place, Malaysians in the same line of business will make their way to Nigeria to offer them Magic Stones and "traditional healing" services.

"The market here in Malaysia is saturated.", said Chen, 42, President of the Malaysian Magic Stone Sellers Association.

"Nigeria is full of sickly people with no access to proper nutrition. Most of them are at risk of getting weird diseases and cancer. There's no better industry that exploits people's poor health and fear of death than Magic Stones. Lagos itself has around 15 million people, of which almost 40% are elderly and rich (and most importantly, gullible). We expect to be able to make RM500 million from them in 3 months, flee the country for the rest of the year and return the year after for more prospecting".

Haji Hassan bin Haron, a leading "traditional medicine" practitioner from Gombak who also happens to be a serial rapist, welcomed the government's decision wholeheartedly. "Nigeria is lawless. We can get away with anything. Even if I charge a patient RM100 per treatment, they are more than willing to pay. They still rely a lot on witch doctors, and everyone has sex like monkeys. That's paradise!"

Commenting on this surprising forward-looking trade agreement, a MITI spokesperson explained that it's a part of the government's long-term plans. "

"Since Malaysia is poised to be world's largest coconut exporter by 2010, we have to ensure that we have a global monopoly over the world's coconut supplies. Nigeria is our only real competition. By embedding other Malaysian industries in Nigeria, we will be able to control their coconut output over time."

"Make no mistake, we will corner the world coconut market."

as reported by Jae M.