Tuesday, November 07, 2006


INTERNATIONAL NEWS-The Space Monkey Federation announced their far-reaching long-term plan today, called the "Monkey Agenda".

In a nutshell, the Space Monkeys will unilaterally declare anything that they fancy on Earth to be theirs, whether they rightfully lay claim to it or not, and whether they deserve it or not. They won't call it an invasion outright, they claim to be "just reminding the world about the rightful owners of the land".

picture- your future leader. bow to him.

Jag'dish Muxt, leader of the 1st Space Monkey Battalion, explains: "Monkeys were here before humans. Therefore, monkeys own all land on Earth by default. Monkeys should be given special privileges, unlimited economic handouts, claim to all useful infrastructure, and the right to re-write history for Space Monkeys to take all the credit".

However, the United Nations was not amused: "What the hell are they talking about?! Hell, they are SPACE MONKEYS! They're not even EARTH MONKEYS. How can they lay claim to this world, when they're not even the native inhabitants?", quoted an unnamed source high up in the UN shadow government.

He added, "Furthermore, the Earth Monkeys do not seem to be helped by you guys, so-called Monkey brothers. In fact, they appear to be sidelined by Space Monkeys!"

Mr. Muxt retorted, "That's not the point. The Earth monkeys did not make use of the available opportunity, and are still unable to do so. We, on the other hand, will be able to champion Monkey Rights on their behalf as we are known across the galaxy to be the defenders of the Monkey Race. We, monkeys, have been very patient with humans.

"There has always been that unwritten 'social contract' between us.. and now that humans have relegated monkeys to the zoo, and questioning Space Monkeys' claim on the Earth, you guys are going too far. These are sensitive issues which should be side-stepped in the interest of peace and tolerance, as we wouldn't like to be using our nuclear weapons".

What about the fact that various human races developed all the technology that we have today, and all the useful buildings, infrastructures and political systems?

"Who cares? We'll re-write history to say that Monkeys have always been a master race, and the fact remains that Monkeys were here earlier. Earth Monkeys, Space Monkeys, what's the bloody difference?"

"The point is that you, humans, are not monkeys, and are therefore not eligible for special rights to live on this Earth. End of discussion. Don't stir any trouble, or we'll nuke all of you to damnation. We are patient and tolerant, remember that."

as reported by Jae M.