Saturday, October 14, 2006

LOCAL NEWS- IIlegals must go home

KUALA LUMPUR- Home Affairs Minister Datuk Seri Radzi Sheikh Ahmad has announced that illegal immigrants should return to their respective countries during the Hari Raya and Deepavali celebrations, before the authorities launch a nationwide crackdown.

This however should not be misconstrued as a grant of amnesty. "If they get caught leaving the country, its tough luck." he states.

Despite legal restrictions facing them either way several illegal immigrants have found a way out of this conundrum.

"We are going to pretend to be electric appliances." says one Bunga Hariyanto from Indonesia.

The illegal "aliens" in Klang Valley have decided to mail themselves home, as it seems to them that this is the only viable option.

picture- the new way to travel

"If we stay, we get arrested. If we leave, we also get arrested. This is the only way we can get back without being caught."

They are currently scouring the city for large boxes and smaller ones for their children. "An LG refrigerator box can fit all three of us" says Heri Adikesuma, pointing to his petite wife, and 3- year-old child. "It is a tight fit, but we all can wrap our legs behind our necks, like scarves."

picture- the position the family will be in when mailed home

Their baby, 7-month-year old Krista, will be sent back posing as a blender.

as reported by Joseph Lax

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(They are also mostly refugees from war-stricken countries who are locked up under my basement. One, is a talking monkey.)

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LOCAL NEWS- Klang Municipal Council, Family First

KUALA LUMPUR- It was announced today that Datuk Zakaria Md Deros, his son Zainuri and daughter-in-law Roselinda Abdul Jamil have been appointed councillors in the Klang Municipal Council.

These appointments have been greeted with approval by the Malaysian public. "It is in line with our policy of "family first", says one happy Klang resident, Chan Yee Ling.

"Obviously with all the family in one place, it will make sure that they will always have time to spend with one another." says her husband Martin Liew.

The Klang Municipal council has implemented this policy in the past; Selangor state assembly speaker Tan Sri Onn Ismail had his daughter, Senator Datin Paduka Nor Hayati, her husband Suffian and son-in-law Faizal Abdullah as fellow councillors.

Klang residents hope that the practice will be taken a step further.

Not only are they lobbying that their children should be appointed as councillors, they are also nominating Roselinda Abdul Jamil's Indonesian maid, Suriyanti, and Hassan, the family's pet iguana.

picture- iguana, future member of Klang Municipal Council

This would be the first nomination of an animal to a political post, and it is considered to be a great victory for the animal community because they have been largely under-represented.

Though there have been reports of the nominations of monkeys to political positions in Malaysia, this cannot be corroborated with hard evidence.

as reported by Jade L.

FRONTPAGE- Illegitimate use of jedi powers

picture- have malaysian jedi's turned to the "dark side"?

KUALA LUMPUR- The local Jedi Council here in Malaysia have issued a public statement warning users of Jedi powers without proper authorization that they will be punished by "the force".

"It is utterly unforgivable for a Jedi to use Jedi mind tricks for political gain," says Muthu Balavijendran, leader of the Jedi Council of Malaysia.

This announcement was made in response to reports of political authorities being able to "change" the minds of prominent think tanks "without any pressure". Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak said that Asli president Mirzan Mahathir had retracted their findings on Bumiputera equity ownership "voluntarily".

The leader of the Jedi Council had felt an imbalance "in the force" during Mizan's public apology.

picture-unrelated to post. jedi squirrels.

"It is clear that Jedi powers were used." he says. "Obviously there had been no pressure on that poor man, he was powerless against that Jedi mind trick where you sort of wave the hand and then you agree with everything the Jedi says. Like that part in Star Wars where Obi Wan wants to get a flying space thing, and the owner sort of like just gives it to him."

He states that he was referring to the new Star Wars trilogy and "not the old one with Harrison Ford".

When asked what action will be taken against rogue Jedi's the president said that this was a decision that the council had to make with due caution. Apparently without proper care, disobedient Jedi's may turn "to the dark side".

"We are worried that these Jedi's might already have."

Reports of the misuse of Jedi powers may be forwarded to the Jedi Council Headquarters which is located in a playground at SK Wangsamaju.

"If its recess time, they can find us at the canteen." says the Jedi Master.