Tuesday, October 31, 2006

LOCAL NEWS- The People Want to Focus Says Badawi

KUALA LUMPUR-Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said the people decide what they want and although some may be concerned with his differences with the former premier, he says that most people are looking forward to development projects that would come on board by the middle of next year.

‘People are focusing on my work’ says the Prime Minister, and not on the spat between him and Tun Mahathir. He is of the opinion that he still remains popular and that the people are not divided on this issue.

Malaysians have agreed that his arbitrary statement is true. "He is a total mind-reader."says Govinda Jeyaratnam, 43. "Those two words, focus and work are on our minds."

In a survey conducted to identify the specific details of what "work" Malaysian's want to "focus" on, the polls revealed that:

i- 32 percent want to "focus" on Jessica Alba's body and maybe her "work".

ii- 24 percent want to "focus" on killing the queue-cutters who stop them from
getting to "work" on time.

iii- 36 percent want to "focus" on getting some damn "work".

iv- 8 percent want to "focus" on porn. And not "work."

As reported by a source the Prime Minister googled the word "work" and "focus", added up the number of sites, and made his conclusion without following up on the links.

as reported by Edie J.

FRONTPAGE- Khalwat Raid On Non-Muslims

KUALA LUMPUR-Breaking down a few times towards the course of the interview, the Petronas Ad Chinese Kid (who would like to remain anonymous) related tearfully on how he was harassed by religious department officials during a 4am khalwat raid on his house. Speaking at the MCA Public Complains Bureau, he related the incident which have rendered him sleepless for the past 2 nights.

In the raid, religious officers continuously banged on his door, insisting that he opened up. He was accused of concealing a Malay girl in his room at that time, which he vehemently denied.

The department officials claimed that they have hard evidence that he has been doing some "immoral activities" with the Malay girl since at least 4 years ago, and they forced him to produce the girl in the early hours of the morning although he insisted that he doesn't know where she is now.

"It was only a commercial, for crying out loud! How am I supposed to know where she is now?"

He insisted that he's a Buddhist, but the religious department officers apparently snapped back at him "You lived in a Malay kampung area and flirted with a Malay girl. You are definitely a Muslim, don't lie!", to which he retorted "That's not even my real house!".

The officers remained unconvinced, but left after harassing him for several hours.

Michael Chong, head of the MCA Public Complains Bureau, expressed extreme disgust at this invasion of privacy. The religious department, however, defended their khalwat raid.

A religious department spokesperson said, "We acted on a tip-off based on hard evidence which we have received (see Exhibit A below), and we can safely say that we have at least 8 million reliable witnesses to his crime of khalwat who have seen him doing it again and again. In addition to him denying that he's a Muslim, we're planning to charge him for apostasy as well".

The department insisted that they're not intentionally targeting non-Muslims in misguided raids. "All our raids are conducted based on excellent intelligence information. For instance, we were planning to nab this guy, 'Jason'. We also had video evidence of him commiting khalwat, and all we needed to do was to find out his surname and his house address. "

"We were on the verge of obtaining a Syariah Court order to subpoena Yasmin Ahmad for information relating to his whereabouts, but at the last minute, our intelligence-gathering team discovered that 'Jason' died in a motorbike accident. Hence, we did not pursue that case any further."

"As you can see, the religious department is very meticulous in our procedures, and we do not simply pick on random targets with poor bits of information."

Exhibit A


as reported by Jae M.