LOCAL NEWS- Scientists complain and leave.

KUALA LUMPUR- Recently the Science, Technology and Innovation Ministry published an internal report citing reasons for the poor state of scientific innovation in this country.


"The scientists are whiny bitches." Says one unnamed source.



A staggering amount of 70 foreign scientists and 22 local scientists this year have not renewed their contracts with local universities and research programs, despite having been given what has been said to be "pretty sweet deals".


The programmes ensured allowances for housing, relocation and schooling for scientists families. In addition to this it also included return airfares to their home country and medical benefits.



However the scientists have not duly appreciated these benefits and have raised numerous complaints about other issues which were deemed by the Ministry as "quite irrelevant". These complaints include:


a) poor research infrastructures -

current locations used by scientists
i- A broom cupboard in UKM
ii- Discarded cages from Zoo Negara
iii- Lim Kit Siang's kitchen


b) a critical shortage of scientists and support staff with required research experience;

-an example of this has been the hybrid tree research team of University Malaya, which consists of one German scientist and three confused Bangladeshi men. They thought that they were there to pick the fruit.


c) cumbersome administrative procedures to procure research equipment;

the procedures are reportedly:

step one- file a request to the head office

step two- fill in the necessary forms

step three- journey to Mordor, defeat the Uruk-hai and throw the ring into the Cracks of Doom.


The Ministry has not announced as of yet if they are to cater to these selfish and blatantly whiny complaints.


as reported by Zara K.