Sunday, October 29, 2006

FRONTPAGE- DAP and Zakaria supporters face-off

KLANG- Today a near-bloody scuffle ensued between members of the DAP (Democratic Action Party) and the supporters of Datuk Zakaria Mat Deros.

DAP secretary-general Lim Guan Eng, led a 300-man procession to protest outside the residence of the UMNO division chief. After realizing that the latter and his wife, Datin Zizah Ngah were not at home they began chanting anti-Zakaria slogans.

When Zakaria's supporters came on the scene to stop this public protest, it started a physical confrontation from what had initially began as a mere oral demonstration.

picture- the funniest use of the word "fracas" in human history. we dare you to refute this.

Onlookers are divided on which side actually started the fight, but all agree that the Zakaria's supporters emerged victorious.

Some say that this was due to the fact that the DAP members were "middle-aged unfit men", while some DAP members have refuted this point by saying that they were simply caught off guard.

"They werent ready for a fight. If they had known you would have seen some kung-fu ass shit man."says one source.

It is a proven fact that all Chinese know kung-fu.

However most agree that one reason is that Zakaria's supporters mainly consisted of several barnyard animals, and a few creatures from the endangered species list as identified by the the WWF (World Wildlife Fund.)

Members of the DAP have also stated that it was difficult to engage their opponents in battle as the few homosapiens involved were active participants of the Special Olympics. "My mother say cannot hit people that cacat one." says one bystander.

They were reportedly enlisted under the category "Spelling and Reading Deficiency" which experts state is practically an incurable disease.

"But they are all still very special."

as reported by Joe Lacks

FRONTPAGE- Stand behind Badawi

Kuala Lumpur- Recently local authority figures have called out to Malaysians to cease from criticizing the government. They also urge that citizens stand strongly behind the Prime Minister for the good of the nation.

Datuk Seri Abdullah Badawi has also commented on Tun Dr Mahathir's unrelenting campaign against the government, stating that the former is attacking with "stronger venom" and that the people also share his sentiment that it is baseless and that it should be stopped.

Scientists have pitched in this rally call for support, citing empirical evidence that criticisms upon the government may hurt the country and gradually bring it to its doom.

"It is as dangerous as real venom."

"Through our studies we have found that there will be extreme detriment to the Prime Minister, and of course the government as a whole if things go on as they are. And naturally if the government is affected, so are the people of this country."

He stated that criticisms lets off a certain wave that can only be detected by special equipment.

"And these waves might as well be nuclear waves, with the effect that they bring."

He calls them "negative germs". "To help the public understand how serious the problem is, we are releasing extremely detailed graphs."

picture- extremely detailed graph

"The red waves represent the criticisms that is directed towards the Prime Minister."

However they state that the public need not panic as there is still time to repair the harm that has been done.

"What the public can do in the interest of the nation is to praise and love the government. This will help cleanse the germs that have infested, and bring our country back to its natural state."

picture- extremely detailed graph 2

The pink waves signify the love shown from the people, he states.

"It is important that we do these measures as soon as possible, before we all meet our doom."

He also adds that there does not have to be a particularly good reason to give love and praise. "You can just say something nice about his hair."

"This is for the country. Citizens should forget about sincerity and their real feelings when this is at stake."

(scientists conducting this research are also economists of the Economic Planning Unit, and sometimes are F1 Race-car girls)

as reported by Edie J.