LOCAL NEWS- News Straits Times Teaches Youth Bad Things

KUALA LUMPUR- Recently the Weekend Mail was suspended by government authorities for publishing "lewd articles". The News Straits Times Press Malaysia (NSTP) apologized for the publication that had focused on "teenagers and sex".


Local politicians have condemned the issue. Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak stated that the daily had gone overboard, and that he received numerous calls complaining that the articles were extreme and should not have been published.


Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil said newspaper articles influenced the minds of the readers.

A resolution made at the Federal Territory Umno convention yesterday condemned such articles and stated that it would contribute to immoral sexual behaviour and increased social problems among youngsters.


Following the publication, according to research conducted by our in-house think-tank lewd thoughts among youngsters in Malaysia reached an all-time high.



Says one young man "After I read that article, I immediately felt like doing something bad and sexy." he states that before this he used to only engage in healthy activities such as sudoku and "Mario Brothers 4" occasionally. "Only when I want to walk on the wild side".


Another young woman states that she immediately bought condoms and looked for people to have sex with. "It was like I was in a trance. I saw the word "sex" and "teenagers" and I just couldnt control myself." She reportedly attacked a young man and demanded him to engage in sexual activities with her.

The young man was reportedly "extremely pleased".


Fulfilling their role as responsible journalists the karipanas crew inc distributed pictures to neutralize the heinous effects of the sexually stimulating articles. This picture has been guaranteed by scientists to make any human being of either gender to stop thinking about sex altogether.

(Warning: Some people have actually cut off their respective genitalia after observing this image.)





After distribution of this image to the masses, our survey polls found that an overwhelming amount of young people had sworn off sex and "other social ills" for the rest of their lives.



However there were still a few sick perverts out there who were reportedly "more excited than ever".


The Karipanas Crew would like to congratulate itself on cleansing the minds of the youth of Malaysia.

WELL DONE KARIPANAS!!!!!!!!

as reported by Joe Lacks

LOCAL NEWS- ISA Your All Purpose Exterminator

KUALA LUMPUR- It was announced recently that the Internal Security Act (ISA) can be used against people spreading libel or false rumors through short messaging services (SMS) or email.


This statement was made by Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Musa Hassan, in reference to messages spread via SMS that a group of Muslims were to be baptised as Christians in Ipoh last Saturday.


Citizens everywhere have applauded this effort and in survey polls conducted by our in-house think-tank many have suggested other groups of people who should be locked up in the ISA.

1. People who queue in the 10 items line when they have more than 10 items.

2. People who smell bad. (Submitted by LRT passengers.)

3. KL bus drivers.

4. Random old people.

5. The guy who makes you pay when he waves you to an empty parking spot that you already
saw in the first place.

6. The Selangor football team. (Submitted by the Kedah football team)

7. Singaporeans.

8. That fckin annoying dancing blue hippo.


picture- "the fckin annoying blue hyppo"

9. All the people on "Akademi Fantasia".

10. My mother-in-law.


To qualify these groups as a threat to "national security", citizens have stated that they are prepared to riot. When asked if they think that the punishment would be "unproportionate" for the "crimes" committed, they stated that they stood by the governments policy of proportion.


"We believe in this government, because we also think that overwhelming stupidity, ugliness or just being plain annoying is enough of a reason for people to be locked away for the rest of their lifetimes, without trial or being given a coherent reason."

Edie J.