Thursday, November 09, 2006

LOCAL NEWS- News Straits Times Teaches Youth Bad Things

KUALA LUMPUR- Recently the Weekend Mail was suspended by government authorities for publishing "lewd articles". The News Straits Times Press Malaysia (NSTP) apologized for the publication that had focused on "teenagers and sex".

Local politicians have condemned the issue. Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak stated that the daily had gone overboard, and that he received numerous calls complaining that the articles were extreme and should not have been published.

Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil said newspaper articles influenced the minds of the readers.

A resolution made at the Federal Territory Umno convention yesterday condemned such articles and stated that it would contribute to immoral sexual behaviour and increased social problems among youngsters.

Following the publication, according to research conducted by our in-house think-tank lewd thoughts among youngsters in Malaysia reached an all-time high.

Says one young man "After I read that article, I immediately felt like doing something bad and sexy." he states that before this he used to only engage in healthy activities such as sudoku and "Mario Brothers 4" occasionally. "Only when I want to walk on the wild side".

Another young woman states that she immediately bought condoms and looked for people to have sex with. "It was like I was in a trance. I saw the word "sex" and "teenagers" and I just couldnt control myself." She reportedly attacked a young man and demanded him to engage in sexual activities with her.

The young man was reportedly "extremely pleased".

Fulfilling their role as responsible journalists the karipanas crew inc distributed pictures to neutralize the heinous effects of the sexually stimulating articles. This picture has been guaranteed by scientists to make any human being of either gender to stop thinking about sex altogether.

(Warning: Some people have actually cut off their respective genitalia after observing this image.)

After distribution of this image to the masses, our survey polls found that an overwhelming amount of young people had sworn off sex and "other social ills" for the rest of their lives.

However there were still a few sick perverts out there who were reportedly "more excited than ever".

The Karipanas Crew would like to congratulate itself on cleansing the minds of the youth of Malaysia.


as reported by Joe Lacks

1 comment:

H J Angus said...

It just shows how prudish some people can be on the outside but just simmering inside.

Just look at the case of the latest victim who came all the way from Mongolia.

BTW that Santa Claus photo is gross!!

You can follow up with an article on the "rabbit" that has excited many women since the series "Sex and the City" was shown on TV.