LOCAL NEWS- Cloning, Malaysia is the new frontier.

picture- failed clone experiments released to the wild after mass labs closing down

09-October-2006

KUALA LUMPUR-The announcement of cloned APs in Malaysia has confounded scientists everywhere.

"This is a breakthrough we would never have expected from such a small country." says Dr Iago, Head of Research in GratuisCorp a multinational corporation specializing in genome studies."I cant even find the country on the bloody map. When I did, I realized it was covered by a coffee stain, which inhibited me from locating it."

A member of the Senate who has been identified as the pioneer of this breakthrough in science, refuses to take credit for it and attributes the success to his son. This has been assumed to be a classic display of Asian modesty.

Scientists from around the world have continued to send in messages of congratulations mixed with statements of utter bewilderment.

"Cloning is still in its infant stages, no one attempt has been completely successful." says Dr Radhika, who heads a research facility in Holland. "Dolly was a mess, and the facade in South Korea was just shameful. Billions of dollars have been spent in these failed experiments, and its just amazing that a country with a GDP of my annual salary to have done this."

Some scientists have even responded by committing "harakiri" or simply hanging themselves in shame.

"Its just indecent of you people." says one scientist (who refuses to be identified) tearfully. "Its embarassing for people in our field, to have someone without a proper educational background to achieve what you have achieved."

"Youre a third world country. Shouldnt you be concentrating on feeding hungry people or something? Where is all the money coming from?"

In a fit of contempt numerous research labs have simply halted their experiments and refuse to continue until their demands have been met.

"Politicians should stick to their jobs, and let us do ours. There are so many of you people with ribs sticking out he shouldnt be gallivanting around making scientific breakthroughs. I see you people on Discovery channel. Youre a mess." says Dr Hallenschaeur, a prominent scientist for Delante Inc, a genome research facility.

He stated that "brown" people were in the same plight everywhere, "Africa or whatever your country is called, its the same thing."

The United States State Department has issued a statement of congratulations stating that "Its okay, as long as you guys arent making bombs. Clone all you want."

reported by Jade L.