FEATURED: Happy Invaders

09 October 2006



KUALA LUMPUR- The aliens are coming and they are happy.

"We are pleased with the Malaysian governments efforts to maintain the purity of the Malay language." says Bob the alien spokesperson. "The fact of the matter is that it has been a hard deal for us in deciding where to invade, but a nation of squishies (the term which the aliens use to refer to human beings) that maintain their old form of communication really appeals to us."


The reason being, as stated by Bob, that it would make communication between invader and invadee easier. The aliens had given up studying human languages because of the constant mutations in them initiated by people all over the world.

(examples given were "lol", "fa-shizzle ma nizzle", and "biatch"; "the english language is barely recognizable from its true form" he states )

But the Malaysian governments actions have bought them a ray of hope.


"If they are starting to clamp down on business posters, and freaking toll cards, soon it will be television shows, drama, any form of expression that abuses the language, and soon people will forget that they had that freedom." this, he believes is the ideal situation.


"We can just refer to our old texts and communicate with them with the language already in our databanks, instead of spending time on more research."


"We need to understand the people we are about to massacre, because we might need important information, like where is the nearest public toilet, what good movies are on right now, where to get the best deals for hardware."


When asked why aliens need to invade and attack humans, he said simply "to eat them".


by Lacks Joe





the alien; as reproduced by our sketch artist