FUN THINGS TO DO IN A "GUIDED DEMOCRACY".

Fun things to do in a "guided democracy".

1. Pretend to be a Japanese tourist and visit the ISA. Better yet, send real Japanese tourists.
Tell them its the National Zoo.


2. Become a stalker-obsessed fan of a BN politician. Camp in front of his house and sing sexy
love songs from a loudspeaker. (Suggestion, cover the song "We are the cheeky girls, you are the cheeky boys".)


3. Dress like Dorothy in The Land of Oz and visit Putrajaya. It is better if you are a dude.


4. Send Nigerian emails to the Prime Minister.


5. Make a new opposition party made up of your stuffed animals. Get your friends to vote for them.


6. Pretend to be the Crocodile Hunter in the Parliament.


7. Dress up as the khalwat police and catch fornicating cats in alleys. Include videos as documentary evidence and submit it to the local religious authorities with straight faces.


8. Catch a monkey and send it to the police station. Say that he was disturbing national security
with his anti-government lice. Pinpoint lice on the monkeys head, point out anti-government
demonstrations happening between the hairs on his fur.


9. In traffic jams, use markers and paper, and flash patriotic messages to your neighbor. If
they dont respond positively, pretend to call the police on your handphone.


10. Follow the cars of local politicians. AFTER they park, set up no parking signs next to the car.
Call the traffic police, and alert the press. Repeat.

(If you have any more, feel free to add below/email us with more.)

LOCAL NEWS- News Straits Times Teaches Youth Bad Things

KUALA LUMPUR- Recently the Weekend Mail was suspended by government authorities for publishing "lewd articles". The News Straits Times Press Malaysia (NSTP) apologized for the publication that had focused on "teenagers and sex".


Local politicians have condemned the issue. Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak stated that the daily had gone overboard, and that he received numerous calls complaining that the articles were extreme and should not have been published.


Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil said newspaper articles influenced the minds of the readers.

A resolution made at the Federal Territory Umno convention yesterday condemned such articles and stated that it would contribute to immoral sexual behaviour and increased social problems among youngsters.


Following the publication, according to research conducted by our in-house think-tank lewd thoughts among youngsters in Malaysia reached an all-time high.



Says one young man "After I read that article, I immediately felt like doing something bad and sexy." he states that before this he used to only engage in healthy activities such as sudoku and "Mario Brothers 4" occasionally. "Only when I want to walk on the wild side".


Another young woman states that she immediately bought condoms and looked for people to have sex with. "It was like I was in a trance. I saw the word "sex" and "teenagers" and I just couldnt control myself." She reportedly attacked a young man and demanded him to engage in sexual activities with her.

The young man was reportedly "extremely pleased".


Fulfilling their role as responsible journalists the karipanas crew inc distributed pictures to neutralize the heinous effects of the sexually stimulating articles. This picture has been guaranteed by scientists to make any human being of either gender to stop thinking about sex altogether.

(Warning: Some people have actually cut off their respective genitalia after observing this image.)





After distribution of this image to the masses, our survey polls found that an overwhelming amount of young people had sworn off sex and "other social ills" for the rest of their lives.



However there were still a few sick perverts out there who were reportedly "more excited than ever".


The Karipanas Crew would like to congratulate itself on cleansing the minds of the youth of Malaysia.

WELL DONE KARIPANAS!!!!!!!!

as reported by Joe Lacks

LOCAL NEWS- ISA Your All Purpose Exterminator

KUALA LUMPUR- It was announced recently that the Internal Security Act (ISA) can be used against people spreading libel or false rumors through short messaging services (SMS) or email.


This statement was made by Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Musa Hassan, in reference to messages spread via SMS that a group of Muslims were to be baptised as Christians in Ipoh last Saturday.


Citizens everywhere have applauded this effort and in survey polls conducted by our in-house think-tank many have suggested other groups of people who should be locked up in the ISA.

1. People who queue in the 10 items line when they have more than 10 items.

2. People who smell bad. (Submitted by LRT passengers.)

3. KL bus drivers.

4. Random old people.

5. The guy who makes you pay when he waves you to an empty parking spot that you already
saw in the first place.

6. The Selangor football team. (Submitted by the Kedah football team)

7. Singaporeans.

8. That fckin annoying dancing blue hippo.


picture- "the fckin annoying blue hyppo"

9. All the people on "Akademi Fantasia".

10. My mother-in-law.


To qualify these groups as a threat to "national security", citizens have stated that they are prepared to riot. When asked if they think that the punishment would be "unproportionate" for the "crimes" committed, they stated that they stood by the governments policy of proportion.


"We believe in this government, because we also think that overwhelming stupidity, ugliness or just being plain annoying is enough of a reason for people to be locked away for the rest of their lifetimes, without trial or being given a coherent reason."

Edie J.

INTERNATIONAL NEWS- Our Rulers Return

INTERNATIONAL NEWS-The Space Monkey Federation announced their far-reaching long-term plan today, called the "Monkey Agenda".


In a nutshell, the Space Monkeys will unilaterally declare anything that they fancy on Earth to be theirs, whether they rightfully lay claim to it or not, and whether they deserve it or not. They won't call it an invasion outright, they claim to be "just reminding the world about the rightful owners of the land".


picture- your future leader. bow to him.


Jag'dish Muxt, leader of the 1st Space Monkey Battalion, explains: "Monkeys were here before humans. Therefore, monkeys own all land on Earth by default. Monkeys should be given special privileges, unlimited economic handouts, claim to all useful infrastructure, and the right to re-write history for Space Monkeys to take all the credit".


However, the United Nations was not amused: "What the hell are they talking about?! Hell, they are SPACE MONKEYS! They're not even EARTH MONKEYS. How can they lay claim to this world, when they're not even the native inhabitants?", quoted an unnamed source high up in the UN shadow government.

He added, "Furthermore, the Earth Monkeys do not seem to be helped by you guys, so-called Monkey brothers. In fact, they appear to be sidelined by Space Monkeys!"



Mr. Muxt retorted, "That's not the point. The Earth monkeys did not make use of the available opportunity, and are still unable to do so. We, on the other hand, will be able to champion Monkey Rights on their behalf as we are known across the galaxy to be the defenders of the Monkey Race. We, monkeys, have been very patient with humans.


"There has always been that unwritten 'social contract' between us.. and now that humans have relegated monkeys to the zoo, and questioning Space Monkeys' claim on the Earth, you guys are going too far. These are sensitive issues which should be side-stepped in the interest of peace and tolerance, as we wouldn't like to be using our nuclear weapons".


What about the fact that various human races developed all the technology that we have today, and all the useful buildings, infrastructures and political systems?


"Who cares? We'll re-write history to say that Monkeys have always been a master race, and the fact remains that Monkeys were here earlier. Earth Monkeys, Space Monkeys, what's the bloody difference?"


"The point is that you, humans, are not monkeys, and are therefore not eligible for special rights to live on this Earth. End of discussion. Don't stir any trouble, or we'll nuke all of you to damnation. We are patient and tolerant, remember that."


as reported by Jae M.