LOCAL NEWS- New Ways For Police To Fight Crime

GEORGE TOWN- Local curry producers have been mobilized to help the police fight crime.


Drug mules use an ingenious stealth technique to bring their goods across the border.


"We shove it in our ass."

Says one drug mule candidly.

Luckily however the local police are using a "local" technique to uncover the crime. One Zambian was forced to eat spiced curry, bananas, and other equally starchy foodstuffs until he naturally relieved himself and along with other disgusting paraphernalia 37 tubes of heroin was found.




Local curry producers are told to create "fiery concoctions of doom" to help the police in their efforts. One Kariappan, a chef in a local restaurant, said that he had never put so much chili in his dishes before. "No human can take that much spice without exploding in their pants." he says.




The police have had a track record for coming up with innovative methods to fight crime. Business areas around police stations are used to "unique" requests from these commanders of justice.



" If the police ask you for anything, you just give it to them." says Chin Teck Onn, an owner of a dog pound here in George Town. "Even if it is for a dog "who is probably in league with Satan."



picture- dog who is probably in league with Satan.



Chin says that he is not surprised with the way the police work anymore. "I am used to it. I have been here for 30 years, and I dont look amazed anymore when they buy pliers, scorpions and sharpened ice picks."


"But the screams. I just cannot stand the screams."

As reported by Edie J.