PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT- How to identify "Bogus Doctors".

Director-general of Health Tan Sri Dr Ismail Merican today stated that he believes there are many illegal centres and clinics operating nationwide. One such clinic was recently discovered in Shah Alam.

The bogus doctor had already performed several complicated medical procedures on unsuspecting Malaysians, including removal of tumours, kidney stones and ovarian cysts.

The Karipanas Crew cares for the welfare of its readers, and here we provide you a few ways to make sure your doctor is authentic.



1. Is your doctor nice and friendly?

- This probably means that he is a fraud. Real doctors are not nice. They are trained to look at patients as whiny insects. They do not care for your yelps of pain or cries of anguish when they poke you with needles and other equally sharp and painful instruments. Real doctors are also half-reptile.



2. Does your doctor have family members?

- This should be regarded as a red flag. Doctors do not breed like mammals; they release spores from their bodies and various insects settle on their surfaces, and spread the pollen on to other doctors. Or they have sex with themselves, like bacteria you see on Discovery channel.

They do not need to marry or have a mate. If there is a picture of a happy family displayed on the wall, these people are more likely kidnap victims. It would be prudent to call the local authorities.



3. Does your doctor refer to you by your name when giving instructions the the nurse?

- Obviously a dangerous sign. A real doctor would use "it", "that thing" or "disgusting meaty insect". (refer above- doctors are half-reptile) Authentic doctors would also be able to transmit orders to the nurses via telepathy using gills located under their armpits. They can locate their nurses by sonar.



4. Does your doctor have a sense of style?
- Real doctors are color blind and are not familiar with the human concept of fashion. They usually obtain their clothes from dead patients.



5. Have you ever seen your doctor "go home", or refer to another residential address?
- Doctors nest in dark damp areas of their clinics. They shun the sunlight and detest warmth. If exposed to the sun they may melt, or sprout tentacles like that "species" alien and start eating random people.



For safety purposes, please make sure that your doctor is certified. If you find that he is in fact a masquerading bastard in a white coat, gather an angry mob and stab at him with various sharp instruments.

These guideline are mere suggestions, we strongly advise you to contact your local authorities for more information. Their advice may be more valid, ours simply more satisfying.